So. Why on earth would you have an online diary?!

Well, a diary is a very humble, perhaps the most humble form of writing, you can do; because you write it for only one reader, your-so-called-self.

But why put it online? Isn't the whole point of a diary, that it's written with the knowledge that it will never be read by anyone but the writer, and indeed, many diarists go to great lengths to avoid that?

Yes. This is my life, well sort of, and my skin is in the game as they apparently say. I heard this expression for the first time yesterday and it's seriously naff but if you're living a life, or as my theory goes, it's actually your life that's living you, not the other way around, and it is not really yours as such, well then your skin can only be in the game, even if it's dried out and wrinkly and saggy and it has eczema.

But who am I? Or rather, what am I? That question has puzzled me for 50 years, and the other day I nearly fell off my chair laughing when I realised that, inside this grotesque old man's body, I am actually still only 14, or rather 13¾. Maybe I should write as someone who is 13¾. Maybe I already do. But Sue Townsend, may God save her soul, already pulled that trick with Adrian Mole. But that was a fictional diary and really there is no worse form of writing than a fictional diary.

But whereas in a diary you might write something that is unspeakable, say you want to fuck someone up the arse with a big black dildo, you're unlikely to write that in an online diary, right? And you certainly wouldn't put the name of the person to whom you want to do this unspeakable thing, for fear of them reading it. Even in very private diaries you often see the writer being coy about the names of the people they write about, using mostly initials.

Fortunately for me (and others) I have no desire to fuck anyone up the arse with a big black dildo but I have an Id like everyone else, so would I allow that Id to come out in an online diary? Or rather would my Superego allow the Id to come out? Or for that matter, the 13¾ year old that I really feel like I am?

Well let's see... this could be fun!

about this portrait of freud>

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